If you are like many other women, you may or may not have experienced times when you just flat out refused to talk to someone close to you. Whether it was a spouse, child, sibling, or friend, we learned the art of handing down the punishment of ‘you don’t get to speak to me until I’m ready to speak to you’ (aka silent treatment).
Let’s face it, you took pride in you hard work at getting your point across without a single word. By the way, what was your point? Oh yes, ‘you cannot treat or speak to me just any kind of way’. And how did you communicate thus message, Ahh yes, by being silent.
The oxymoron of the ‘silent treatment’ is that we are actually expecting it to take the place of the communication that is necessary in relationships. The silent treatment is meant to punish the offender. It is the hope of the one giving the silent treatment that their offender would not only notice that the atmosphere has become strained but also to be able to somehow connect it to the infraction that preceded the silence.
Once they have made the connections then, still without a word, the offender must piece it all together accurately to thoroughly understand where they went wrong, what they should have done differently and how they can make sure to never make the same mistake again,
In addition they are to be able to gauge your feelings while at the same time making up for what they did wrong.
The truth of the matter is, while you may feel you have every right to be angry, disappointed, and/or frustrated, silence alone simply cannot communicate everything that needs to be said.
While the silent treatment drives the point home that you are beyond tolerant at that moment, it cannot and will not communicate what you can say with your own words.
This passive aggressive approach to handling an issue does the opposite of what one hopes to accomplish. When you are silent, you literally have no voice. Your thoughts, ideas, and options cannot be heard not understood.
The one who has offended you may takes a very different stance from what you had hoped to accomplish. Your silence may communicate that it is simply okay to continue to perform the action that drove you to this point. It may give them an out; an excuse to continue the behavior. It clouds the atmosphere with misunderstandings about why there is even silence. Finally, you loose respect when you choose not to speak what is necessary.
So the next time that you want to handle a conflict or other situation with silence; think again. Choose to speak your truth so that those around you will have a clear understanding of who you are and what you will and will not accept in your life. There is just something about verbalizing who we truly are that has power. It communicates self love and really makes us feel good about ourselves.
©️2018 Kim Seymore Inspired Serenity by Kim Seymore
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