Criticism can be the very thing that brings us down to a place where we identify with our own feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. It’s in those places that we allow the words of others to find a way into our psyche, impacting our emotions and our ability to live up to our potential. It is in these moments that criticism takes root and settles in seeking opportunities to remind you of who you are not, what you cannot do and that you a powerless to change any of it. Simultaneously, negative self-talk awakens, finding new opportunities to be the first to confirm that the words from the voices of criticism are, in fact, true and that this is just how it is.
Wow! What place to be, sandwiched between the criticisms of others and your own negative self-talk. Whatever positivist you had left in your life, making your way through one challenge just to enter the next, is now gone for sure. You have now officially internalized the exact opposite of what you know of yourself, who you are and what you contribute to your own life and the world around you. Before you know it you find yourself doubting your passion, your purpose and whether or not there is really a place for you to thrive in environments you seek to be in.
I know this story quite well. It has been a part of my existence for quite some time. Just when I think it no longer matters what people say, it does. Someone says something that totally dismantles the barriers I thought I had set up. Just like that, I am back, entertaining criticism and my own negative self-talk, taking it all in, making it real, giving it a place deep inside as if God had not already put something else deep down within me for which he called me to do.
I know God has placed something down on the inside, so now that I know that the power of God is stronger than any other power, then I should be able to get over this in no time. Right? Wrong! While maybe it should, the battle of overcoming criticism and negative self-talk doesn’t end there. What we all know is that there will always be people who will talk and will always have those things that we say to ourselves that are fair from the truth. Just like we teach our children that life is full of ups and downs, but they can overcome it. Truthfully, It is often easier for me to teach and lift up others while I am in my own head thinking, “What in the world?!” about my own struggles. The fact of the matter is that sometimes life challenges are so very difficult that we actually don’t know what to do. When those challenges are accompanied by criticisms from others and our own negative self-talk, the struggle becomes unbearable at times. But this is where the work has to be done
This is not a blog post about dissecting the criticisms of others. Criticisms will be there. The hard truth is that we all have participated in giving our opinions, our thoughts and even our criticisms to others about what we think for the benefit of others. Let’s be real, our own criticism of others has not always been positive. We all have to work on that as a part of our growth journey. You can not participate in a process that you loathe for your own life. You should add to someone and not take away.
So, if you want to continue to grow personally in life, you have to first decide if you are going to entertain criticism in any way, good or bad. If you decide that you’re not gonna listen to anything anyone else has to say, then simply let them know you are not interested in learning what they have to say and respectfully change the subject or turn around and walk away. But if you decide that you are open to hearing them out, you have to be able to do two things well: 1)listen to what is being said and decide if it aligns with what you know about yourself (notice that I said what you know about yourself and not what you tell yourself about yourself which is often that negative self-talk) 2)What are you going to do with the criticism that is shared. If it is negative, are you going to accept it, internalize it, and when you get in your quiet space, stew over it, or are you going to hear it, internalize it? If it doesn’t align with who you are, are you going to choose not to entertain that person’s words about you? If it is positive (which I’d prefer to call feedback), is it aligned with who you are again, not what you tell yourself about who you are, and is there something that was spoken to you that you could use to further your passion in your purpose, your goals or in your life?
This is also not a post about dissecting negative self-talk. But this is a post about you being true, not to your negative self-talk or, of course, the criticisms of others, but to YOU. It is in moments when I’m feeling frustrated, angry, sad, disappointed, or overwhelmed that I realize I should be committed to =doing the work to reflect who I am and what I am here to do. Each and every time, I find myself going back to the foundation of what God has placed down in me for the work that he has called me; when I listen and get back to business every time, without fail, I feel inspired, motivated and empowered.
What I have learned is that I have to create my life in such a way that I am consciously doing the work that I have been called to do. When I decide that I’m tired, not feeling it, not today or who cares what I have to say or write, not only do I fall behind, but I am not watering the seed of what He gave me to do. I notice that when I am operating who I am, I can hear criticisms from others, but my negative self-talk is not buying into the shenanigans. Let me say that in a different way. Even though people may share criticisms, if anything is said that does not align with who I am, it falls on deaf ears because my focus is on doing those things that I have been called to do; therefore, there is no room for negative self-talk. There is no space for it. It doesn’t belong at the moment. It doesn’t even come to the forefront of my mind. But, if I choose to slow down and back off from doing the work, then I open up the space again for the criticisms and the negative self-talk to join in and have an all-out party at my expense and that of who I have been chosen to serve.
In summary, people will always have something to say, good or bad. You can choose to listen and grow, or you can decide not to listen at all and grow in your own unique way. That choice is up to you, But you must remember that with anything spoken to you, feedback or criticism, you want to make sure that there is alignment between what is being said and what you’re hearing. Then, be careful that you don’t allow your own negative self-talk to piggyback on any criticisms and derail your efforts to operate doing what you have been called to do. You must find time every day to take steps that lead to doing what God called you to do, even if it’s just one thing. Why? This will help to keep you from internalizing criticism and spinning that self-talk in your mind all day long. Hear me out; you must find time to do the work you have been called to do, even if it is outside of your daily employment. This is one of your best defenses against internalizing all of the negativity that may come your way because it’s something about when you know your purpose and you know you are operating in your purpose, nothing negative that anyone says, even what you say to yourself has a leg to stand on.
(c) March 15, 2025, Kimberly Boswell Seymore
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